Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize