she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize