My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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