we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize