What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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