Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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