you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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