So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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