At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize