I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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