I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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