Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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