every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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