I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize