hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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