I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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