my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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