The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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