I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Houston, we have a blender
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize