your room smells of hookers.
And success
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize