The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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