we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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