around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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