last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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