Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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