there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize