Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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