i was born a porn star she said
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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