I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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