I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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