I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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