We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize