I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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