Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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