I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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