We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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