Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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