just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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