the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will pee on everything he values.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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