The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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