I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize