I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize