If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize