i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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