Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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