You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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