Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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