as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize