We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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