she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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